Hustled?

I left the house today at about 1 pm to pick our clothes up from the laundromat. As I was pulling out of the driveway, I glanced down the street at the local gas station which had about 30 cars lined up along the street and in the parking lot. Then I saw the sign: Unleaded $1.00 (SERIOUSLY!)

So, I pulled back into the driveway and got out to retrieve our other car which needs gas. I grabbed a couple of bottles of water, buckle the kiddies into the backseat and head off to wait in line. I was sitting there for about 2 minutes with 4 cars in front of me when I saw the cashier open the station door and holler to everyone within hearing range, "When you get to the pump, please come inside and pre-pay so we can get you on our list." Alright then!

It was getting kind of hot so I stepped out of the car and opened the hatch so the boys could get some fresh air. Our air conditioner is not very effective, you see. So, we waited another 15 minutes for our turn. When I was next in line I un-buckled the kiddies and headed into the store to pre-pay. I handed the clerk a $20.00 and said, "I'd like to get $15.00, but if my tank won't take that much can I come back in and get a refund for the remainder?" To which she replies, "Sure, yeah."

So, I'm out in my car again and it's finally my turn. I was pretty excited. I mean $1.00 per gal and I was about to fill up paying only about $12-15.00!! Joe's going to be so happy!!

I started the pump up and waited patiently expecting the gallons and price to be basically the same. They weren't. Not even close...

The pump stopped at $15.00 and I'm looking at the little window that's telling me that I now have an additional 5.3 gallons of gas in my car. WTH?? I pulled around to the front of the store and I un-buckleed the boys...again. We went inside and here is the conversation I had with the clerk:

"I just payed $15.00 for 5.3 gallons of gas."
"Okay."
"Your sign says $1.00 per gallon outside."
"Oh, well forget about that sign."
"Nix the sign?"
"Yeah."
"O---kay."

I was confused than ever and I left pretty ticked off. I felt like a complete idiot. I saw all those people waiting in line for their $1.00 gas and I considered hollering to the masses, "It's not for a dollar!! The sign is all wrong!" Joe says I should have called the Sheriff's department or something but I just didn't think that they would actually do that on purpose.

Was I hustled?? Probably. That sucks, damnit.

relief

Please consider donating money to the American Red Cross so that they can help the thousands of displaced persons in southern Louisiana and Mississippi.

Thank you so much!!

Victims

Southern Transplant

Southern Transplant.

I've been in the south (Mississippi) for 11 years. Here are some things that I've noted as a "southern transplant" in the past decade...


1) Everyone (including "no accounts") is nice. Southern hospitality is not a myth.

2) Saying a child is being "ugly" is a reference to their behavior. Not their appearance.

3) NEVER ask a woman if her potato salad is store bought.

4) Buffets are VERY popular in the south. In related news...

5) The southern accent is an advertising tool. Advertisers will find people with the thickest accents to sell their products down here.

6) Calling a man "boy" in the north is no big deal. Calling a man "boy" in the south means you're ready to kick somebody's ass.

7) See "Slingblade" (Billy Bob Thornton) for the complete list of southernisms. Have an interpreter on standby.

8) In the south dinner is supper and supper is lunch. Or is it the other way around? See, I'm still screwed up. If you're confused, just ask the cook.

9) Pregnant and barefoot? YES. Down here humidity is a pain. Why do you think everyone wears "flip-flops"?

10) Any guy who walks through a door before the chick is NOT from the south (and if he is, he wasn't "raised right").

To my "yankee" friends...if you ever get the chance, come visit Mississippi.

Red Ass

I am such a dumbass.

Last week Joe bought me a set of tanning sessions at the local salon. It was my first time ever to a tanning bed and Joe was giving me advice (he's done this before). He says "stay in only for about 5-10 minutes your first time so that your skin can get used to it." My reply was, "I have brown hair and hazel eyes. I tan really well."

3 days later I'm at the salon at the front desk talking to whoever was in charge. She asks, "how long do you want the bed to be on...it's a 20 minute bed." I figure that since she's asking that I have the option to be in there for the whole 20 minutes, so I say "I guess 20 minutes." (smacks forehead)

So, I'm led to the backroom by a college chick and I say, "this is my first time at a tanning bed." She's surprised and giggles goodheartedly. Then I say, "is it okay for me to be in here the whole 20 minutes?", to which she replies, "Sure!"

So, I go into the room, get the rundown on which button does what and then she leaves. I remember at that point Joe saying something about a sticker you can put on your skin to gauge the progress of the tan. I forgot to ask and I don't see any stickers anywhere so I start rummaging through my purse and eventually find a piece of a game that belongs to one of my kids. It's shaped like a circle. So, I lay in the bed and place the game in a strategic location and commence my tanning session.

It's about 16 minutes into the tan that I start to get really hot so I switch on the fan and finish my 20 minute nap. The light goes out and I sit up to remove the game piece (I want to see how well I did). Looks good to me. I get dressed, make my next appointment for Friday, and go home.

3 hours later Joe gives me a playful tap on my ass and I think to myself, "Ow." So, I sneak into the bathroom, pull down the corner of my pants and peek at my behind which is now a beautiful shade of RED. OMG, I am so embarrassed. I remember what Joe told me and I just get aggrivated with myself (~~~backflash~~~"Only stay in for about 5-10 minutes...")

I call Joe into the bedroom and say, "I have something really embarrassing to show you". I peel off the back of my pants and there was my red ass. Joe inhales deeply and I wait for him to say something (when he doesn't say anything, that's bad). He's aggrivated at me. I'm feeling like a stupid ass right about now and I spend the rest of the day apologizing for not taking his advice.

Today is Wednesday and my ass still hurts, along with my back, stomach, and thighs. Not sure if I'll go back on Friday or wait until after the weekend. I am such a dumb ass.

Flatus

You'll want to check this out!

Go visit Laurie's blog! She posted an article this morning on flatulence, complete with a link to a site that will tell you everything you ever wanted to know (or didn't want to know) about flatus. While you're there, save her link. She's a funny chick.

Check it out here!

Wanted: One Bad Ass Spider.

Wanted: One Bad Ass Spider.

Currently seeking one bad ass spider to replace old broke ass spider who won't do his job. Actually, the company currently employs many of these broke ass spiders. Their production rate is evident based on the number of intruders we have seen in the company headquarters this quarter.

Our company is now seeking one bad mama-jama who will not only spin webs and lie in wait, but will vigorously seek out unwanted intruders. Qualifications include:

-at least two years experience
-a natural tendency to catch insects and dispose of them naturally
-at least one set of Raybans
-one leather jacket (preferably genuine leather)
-killer jaws
-a sinister personality.

Job description is as follows: must demostrate impressive insect disposal rates, spin webs that resemble the 7 wonders of the world, listen to pop/rap/classical/big band music (ability to dance a plus!) and be able to work 24 hours a day. No exceptions.

If you are a [w]ussy, do not bother applying.
Apply in "person" at the following address: 123 Ownapisedoff Blvd. Thatsitville, Anystate 12345

cc
Tanda

Scriptastic!

SCRIPTASTIC!

Well, I've been looking for about 5 months for the perfect template for my blog and I THINK I finally found it. Kudos to the designers. I can't make much sense out of templates, much less write them. Cheers!