Joe and I were driving around town recently down Main Street when we came across a sign in a store window advertising "Etiquette Lessons" for children. I gave it some thought. What would our house be like if our children successfully passed etiquette classes?

Well, of course they would automatically adopt an English accent complete with enhanced vocabulary, start drinking hot tea (pinky up) and would start showing interest in art museums. And instead of hearing:

"MOM, I need your help!!"---I would hear, "Mum, there is a situation that is beyond my control. And, although I would love for you to come immediately to bring order to my life, it is my desire to see you complete your current task to your satisfaction. Come at your earliest convenience."

"He won't stop touching me!"---I would hear, "Darling Mother, I am having some considerable trouble with my younger brother. Because I understand that you cannot possibly help me every time I have a problem, I will show responsibility and maturity and handle the situation myself."

"I"m starving!!"---I would hear, "Mummy, I can see that you've been very busy today cleaning, organizing, and carefully dividing your time between 4 people. It is obvious that you are trying your best to prepare dinner in a timely manner and that you don't want me to have a snack so close to dinner time. Therefore, I will quietly assuage the pain in my stomach by drinking a small glass of water while I wait."

"I hate it when you do that!!"---I would hear, "I understand that we will not always agree on every situation. And because you are my superior in every way, I will defer to your judgement and respect your opinion."

They would also eat at the table, use napkins instead of shirt collars, use tissue to clean our their noses, return their books and toys to their designated areas, and steal away to the restroom whenever they need to belch, flatulate, or make any other socially unacceptable noises. Sigh.

But they would also be boring. What's so great about being a kid if you can't hold burping contests, throw cracker crumbs into your brother's hair, jump into oily rain puddles, and keep snails in your pants pocket? Maybe they're fine just as they are.

I'm curious. Have you ever secretly disliked someone else's child on account of their attrocious social manners?