E-Hobbit

It's official. I never have to leave my house again. Ever. Thanks to my trusty computer and the miracle of the internet, I can officially become an E-hobbit*. Here's what it would look like:

If I'm hungry, I can buy my groceries online. All I have to do is pick my city, then my grocer, and have whatever I'd like to eat delivered to my home. And if I don't like the store-brand coffee, I can always order specialty coffee. After eating all that food I'll need some exercise. I can have exercise equipment shipped right over and enjoy the benefits of the natural high.

Then if I find myself bored, I can purchase entertainment from the net. When my computer dies, I can have a new one delivered. I won't need a car anymore because I won't be going anywhere. But, if I change my mind I can always go here for a new/used vehicle.

When I get sick, I can diagnose myself at home. Then I can order my medication (non-prescription, of course). When I find myself in emotional turmoil (as I most certainly will from being in the house 24 hours a day), I can find a therapist online.

Holiday shopping? Here's a listing for all major holidays: Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, New Years, Halloween, and Fourth of July. And fireworks can be found here.

Not that I'll need new clothing, but I can visit an online clothing store when I get the urge. And since the shoe selection in clothing stores is usually limited (even online), I can go here instead.

If I was single, I'd need a companion. Of course, my date would have to come to my house. But that's okay because I can order a movie and have the grocer deliver an extra box of popcorn.

All that shopping would mean I'd need a job so I'll just go here and submit my resume. Then, after my telephone interview, I can start working from home. The IRS will still receive my electronic tax filing every spring. Tax evasion is a no-no, right?

There you have it. No more waiting in line, sitting in the doctor's office, or meeting with teachers whom I've only heard bad things about. I won't have to worry about car accidents or car insurance, being car-jacked or having my purse ripped off my shoulder. I'd never have to deal with rude people who ruin my day or rainy days that ruin my hair.

I NEVER have to leave my house again. Thank you, Bill Gates.


*Thanks to Joe for coining the word "E-Hobbit".